Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
