I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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