I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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