Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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