You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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