Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
