I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
