Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
