Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
