she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
