At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
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