I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Randomize
