We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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