A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
