dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Blood and glitter go together right?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
