smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Randomize
