He is such a slut. More and more my type.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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