we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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