i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
