i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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