i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
