I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
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