soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
the day after is always just damage control
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My dick has a subreddit
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
