I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
