How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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