I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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