No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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