You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
i was born a porn star she said
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
