Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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