I hate your face
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
