Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
