this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize