And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
