I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
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