Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
