that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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