everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
