evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
