Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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