Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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