Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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