So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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