first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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