ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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