We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
