her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
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The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
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Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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