Are we in a gay sports bar?
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
