dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
