I puked a lego.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
