I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
