we're blogging at a bar
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
