I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I love you.
Bad choice
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
