Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Everything about him screamed your future.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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