Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
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