Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
He has the fingertips of a God
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