I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
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