I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I have fence marks all over my body
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
