guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
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