I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
