Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Alive.
So much puke
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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