i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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