my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
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