I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
