I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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