You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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