She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
