I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
