It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
