i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
