FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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