I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
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