God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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