how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
