You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
