Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
