I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Randomize
