well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
