That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
