Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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