The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
