white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
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