i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
