Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
