You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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