Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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